Thoughts on a cold January Morning.

I can feel my heart beating,
I can see the cars,
The flag, The flowers,
The beautiful,beautiful flowers,
He is here and we must go.

I can feel my heart beating,
Please don't drop him,
Please don't drop him,
I climb the nine steps behind him,
The can hear the blood rushing in my ears.

I can feel my heart beating,
As I walk down the aisle behind him,
So different from the time before,
hundreds of pairs of eyes on us,
I can feel a gloved hand clutching mine,
They are waiting, watching, I cannot breathe.

I can feel my heart beating,
I can hear an organ swelling, people singing,
Half smiling, I wish they would go,
I wish I could turn and run, I wish I could scream
stop.

I can feel my heart beating,
As they place him down,
I put a reassuring hand on him,
I kiss him,
I take my place and don't take my eyes off him

I can feel my heart beating,
I smell incense and hear muffled words,
I can't breathe, The gloved hand is still in mine,
I must be brave, I cannot falter, I must be brave.

I can feel my heart beating,
People talking at me,
Mumbling reassuring words,
Congratulating me on my dignified performance,
I wish they would go,
Leave me alone. I just want him.

I can feel my heart beating.

29 January 2001