Three hours old

The most overwhelming feeling on earth,

A love so pure and true,

like a tap turning on, there is no return,

my heart is captured forever.

So perfect, so new,

Eyes staring into mine, taking my breath away

and stopping my heart.

I can't stop smiling, I am bursting with pride,

Someone so tiny,

I love her so.

Her little hand wrapped around my finger,

I never want to let it go.

I will love her and protect her for all of my life,

I am someone now.

31/07/98

Daddy's Girl

Fathers and their daughters - huh?

Holding his big strong hand,

Feeling safe from the world with one big hug.

Gone, taken, never to feel that again.

Pain, excruciating,indescribable pain

My world shattered,

My family decimated, so alone.

Learning to stand on my feet again,

Get out of bed in the morning,

work, smile, carry on - so hard to hide from my despair.

Silly things....

His fingerprints still on the window where he leant to close it.

His mug pushed to the back of the cupboard.

His slippers still lined up regimentally by his dressing table.

The smell of his aftershave on the jumper still on the back of his chair.

He is not in the next room, the happy memories are too painful to entertain.

I must be brave, I am told, think of happier times, be strong.

I just want him back, showing me what to do, telling me off for not using raw plugs,

Raising his eyes to the gods, when I miss a shot. Laughing at me for being gullible.

'You are such a Daddy's girl,inseparable, so close.' people remark.

Yes I am a Daddy's girl,

...and I always will be!

January 2001

Views from a roof

' I keep telling her she has the best view in London'

Just words, justification for disorder,

What I see is different,

What I see is beauty,

Shining, glistening in the sunlight,

It's reflection in the puddles left from the overnight rain.

It's metal blades casting a shadow in the midday sun,

A haze in the distance obscuring the landmarks.

What I see isn't materialistic or shallow,

not a status symbol.

What I see is life, cutting edge, vivid, stark, sometimes horrific images,

What I see is a different view everyday.

How am I supposed to be feeling?

lucky? grateful?

What I feel is pride and privilege,

What I feel is different, an opposing view,

a different vision.

I do have the best view in London,

I do have the best view of this strange yet magical world,

- but not because she says I should.

June 2002